A New Month

Tomorrow is the first day of a new month. Which means payday for us! ;)

It is a big grocery shopping day. I plan to make good healthy choices. I also plan to be more moderate then usual with the sweets and junk food, although probably not as moderate as most people. I'm working on the gradual changes.

One of the tricks I have learned is to get used to healthy things to the point that you actually like them and want to have them before you start taking away the unhealthy things. That way you are not going from something you love to something you hate.

My physical health changes I want to work toward this month are healthy breakfasts and walking daily.

I picked the breakfast because it is an easy one for me. I already enjoy healthy breakfasts foods, as well as some unhealthy ones. But since I like healthy cereal and I enjoy eating fruit, I think it will be easy to make healthy breakfast a habit. I want to start with what I think will not be as difficult. If I can have success in the small things, then I think it will encourage me to work up to the larger changes.

The walking is not going to be a big deal either, because I'm not going to make it a big deal. I'm starting with five minutes. That's it. Five measly little minutes. If I miss a day, so what? I'm not gonna make it up (unless I just happen to want to). I'm just going to try my five minutes the next day. Each day is new and fresh, no hang overs from the days before.

I'm through with beating myself up for not meeting some standard (I Hope). If I start doing that again, I would love for someone to gently point that out to me. Remind me of my resolve to not hang on to unnecessary guilt (is any guilt necessary?).

As far as spiritual changes to work on, I'm taking a New Testament Survey course at college to count toward my Humanities credit. It's really cool. I think that is enough for right now, with the exception of beefing up my prayer life.

Somethings been bugging me. I have not been kneeling before the Lord in prayer. I still pray a lot, but it has become very informal. It has been continuous, as in frequently through out my day, including sporadic prayers lifted for people when I learn of a need. However, most of my praying has been happening while I have been laying in bed, and in my car driving down the road.

I have a history of not being able to focus during prayer. I think that is why I developed the short, frequent prayers. If I keep it short and simple, then there is not much time to get mentally off track. It has been heart breaking and spiritually discouraging to not be able to pray without loosing focus. I question my sincerity and my devotion to the Lord. Yet, I honestly can't help it. My heart wants to draw close to Him, and have a super close connection. However, my faulty brain and my flesh get in the way. I love a line from one of Chris Rice's songs, "Freedom from myself will be the sweetest rest I've even known."

I also have a problem with becoming intimately close to the Lord which has a connection to kneeling in prayer. It is a deep rooted problem, which is a major deal in my life. It effects many areas, and the worst is my relationship with the Lord.

So, my prayer goal is to spend a short amount of time on my knees in prayer. I want to physically show respect and admiration to the Lord. I plan to use the time praising Him and thanking Him. Other than gratitude and admiration, I want to keep whatever I pray about very short (and hopefully sweet), that way I won't get bogged down with frustration and discouragement if my mind starts to wonder. Then I will continue as I usually do as far as the rest of my praying goes. Eventually I hope that I am able to grow in this area. Another thing about the walking is that I want to use that time to pray as well. Some of my most effective prayer times has been while I have been taking walks. I know five minutes is not long, but my goal is baby steps, so that's OK.

If I am unable to because of the emotional problems I have, then I don't know what to do. I don't know how to proceed if some of my junk rears its ugly head.

For housekeeping, I struggle with this so much, I think that small changes will be of more benefit in the long run as well. I have a bad habit of letting my dish washing wait until the next day. This makes it difficult because so many times I have to wash dishes before I can cook. This adds to my cooking frustration (I really don't enjoy cooking). So, my goal is to have all the dishes washed before I go to bed each night. Again, this probably seems petty and really small, but I think this is going to be a major confidence booster. I'm hoping to draw encouragement from reaching this goal.

I intend to spend the whole month working on these things. If it does not come right away, that's going to be OK. I'll continue to try until I have changed my habits, little by little.