What to do

My mind is a bit muddled about this weight loss program now. I've been considering Weight Watchers again.

Let me explain why I chose the one I did. Years ago I started doing the First Place program. It contains 9 commitments that you are supposed to make. I could not do one of the them because I did not have a group to do it in, and that commitment was to attend the meetings. Another one was to encourage others (presumably others in the group). I could encourage other people, although it was not exactly like the program intended. So, two out of the nine were impossible/difficult for me to do.

The other commitments were difficult to follow. Think about this. If you struggle with weight, then chances are that means you lack self-control, self-discipline, and the self-respect needed to feed your body in a healthy way. You also lack all of these things needed to exercise and use your body the way God intended. So, agreeing to a list of commitments is really kind of foolish. It is kind like setting yourself up for failure.

But, I foolishly made the commitments anyway. I did it because I wanted to change, I want to be healthy and look good. I thought that once I got started the changes would begin to come. I thought the Scripture and the prayer would make it more meaningful and easier, somehow. It didn't. It made it harder. It made the guilt more intense. It made my failure more significant.

I also think that the Bible Study, motivational Cd's, and Scripture memory Cd's (applied to the topic of weight loss) make the focus on weight loss, instead of Christ like it is supposed to. When I tried everything that they want, all day long, everyday, my thoughts were consumed with what to eat, what not to eat, have I exercised, how have I exercised, did I do the Bible study, did I read the chunk of Scripture, did I pray enough, is eating this piece of chocolate a sin, did I have enough servings of veggies, is my lack of fruit a sin, how do I count the sugar in my tea, should I ask for forgiveness because I only did five minutes on the exercise bike instead of ten...

So then I had this list of commitments I had broken, in addition to the weight and poor body condition. I think that God expects us to keep our commitments, especially if they are made to Him. I had failed to do that. So what if I did not know that it would be that hard? Does that make a difference? I'm not sure it does.

That is the reason I chose to try the First Place program again, instead of trying Weight Watcher, like I had wanted. I was (am?) trying to fulfill the commitments I had made before. I am failing to meet those commitments again. Now, in light of learning the program's view on mental illness, I'm not feeling all that cozy with this.

I'm thinking of sending an e-mail to the people who work for this program and asking some questions. I want to get their perspective. But I'm afraid of what they might say. I'm also afraid of feeling spiritually bullied into doing the program.

I'm wondering if the broken commitments are something that I should continue to try fulfilling again and again until I am able to do it, or if I should just admit my weakness, ask for forgiveness and move on. I could just do some of the commitments (the dieting and exercise portion is good), hoping that someday I will be stronger and be able to fulfill it all. I could attempt a less demanding weight loss and fitness program.

Isn't funny how something that seems so simple can become so complicated?

Slightly disillusioned

Bummer!

I was just listening to the motivational CD that came with the bible based weight loss kit. The first motivational topic was mental health. Near the beginning, the speaker said that the world addresses mental health with counseling and medication, implying that is not the right thing to do. She then proceeded to talk about how the Bible addresses mental health: be thankful, the joy of the Lord is your strength...

Now, I believe all these things that were mentioned are good things, and they do come right out of the Bible. If a person is mentally healthy, then these things should work, if they have their faith in the Lord. However, I don't believe the Bible addresses mental illness any more than it addresses cancer. Illness is illness. You can't fix it with Scripture.

It is like people forget that the brain is an organ. It is biological and chemical. Sometimes it gets sick. Sometimes it can have a life long illness. That does not mean weak faith or sin. It just means illness.

I don't know what to make of this Bible study now. I guess I could overlook this particular teaching they have. I know the truth for my own life. I guess I need to stay on my toes to make sure I'm not influenced to change my treatment based on the opinions of people who are not mental health professionals.

Well, it did not end well

The rest of the day fell apart. Partly it was because I was not prepared. Partly it was because there was too much temptation around me.

The good news is that most of the temptation is gone now. More good news is that I am supposed to be grocery shopping tomorrow. I intend to get foods that are appropriate.

I never did exercise today. At least I began the day correctly. That is a step up, even if it is a little step.

Tomorrow is new! I can start again tomorrow.

So far so good...

I got started this morning. I made a healthy breakfast choice. My stomach has not been feeling quit right for a few days, so I don't know how well the rest of my diet will go for the rest of today.

I have not exercised yet today, but it is still early. Mondays are busy days for me, and they are usually not very fun. I hope to have a chance to post what my eating plan is supposed to be.

Alright, I think I'm ready to begin.

I'm planning to get started tomorrow. I"m supposed to start a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and begin the Bible study.

I've not joined the fitness center yet. Perhaps that is something I can do this next week. If not, I plan to walk most days.

I've been very tired and weak feeling the last week or so. I think it is because of high sugar and caffeine intake. I seem to not be resting well because of it. Also when I come down of the sugar/caffeine high, I feel worse than I did before the Dr. Pepper or chocolate. If I don't manage to start the weight loss program, I am at least going to cut way, way back on the caffeine and sugar.

I hope to return to the blog to track my progress through out this week.